Times change ! views change ! perspectives change .... people change!

Who thought (not me at least) that one day i ll be blogging about my cancer! The one disease that use to scare the hell out of me, comes head on aggressively, stealthily and suddenly to jump on me. Take me into death folds trying to squeeze life out of me like a coiling python around a deer .... and boy i was a deer .... practically non smoker, almost a teetotaler, even vegetarian :) if that counts.

How did it happen! i wonder i was working out gaining strength and got a new look had just begun to move on with my life after a really bad heart break. Things started to look positive again ...... you know light at the end of the tunnel kind of stuff! Well but the illumination in my tunnel of despair was the one coming from the headlights of an aggressive train heading right towards me.

Another hope killed, again a couple of dreams shattered, again i am left left picking myself up ! For what i sometimes wonder. Life has been quite tough since couple of years, wasn't like that always. Seems like i am running out of my luck line.

But this change of events shall i say did change me as a person.... how well yes its true when you get get this continuous train of screw ups happen in your life, you become sore ! another name for indifferent towards a lot of things, issues, people etc etc..... its not that you give a damm, its just that the things that use to affect me deeply previously do not do so anymore. Not that i can afford that, but it makes you a little numb towards things, towards perception of others about you and about how much do they care about (baring a few!). Times like these actually tell you how much people whom you think you were close too, are distant and vice versa. Strength comes talks with people, people whom you might have met once in life, care comes from closest in the family and increased concern comes from not the closest of your friends but from the distant of your acquaintances.

And then you reflect on how much had you invested invested in these relationships which you though were your pillars of support. And you realize its not just about the investment on your side, the signs were always there who would return what .............. its just one is blind and impervious or knowingly makes oneself blind and impervious. It just takes events like these to make you see the things the way they are.

What can i say in the end
Times change ! views change ! perspectives change .... people change!

In your failure you stand alone

People often say you should not drink when you are sad rather you should do it when you are happy that's when you can actually relish it. Well with my writing its just the opposite! Nothing worthy even passes through my head when i am all hunky dory, happy nappy whatever whatever ....  you get my drift! Happiness is like a high. In that state i just can not think deep. I am as shallow in my happy days as George Bush - The Retard was during his presidency. But now I am writing so i guess you know i am going through a trough. However this piece is not about that.
 

I recently got a piece of someones thoughts about me, while arguing about something. Someone really close . I was not able to prove my point in spite of being right but was i right is one question that lingers in my head even now! What makes ones opinion right or wrong? Is it totally subjective? Is it partially objective? In think its objective. But objectives on which a person's opinion can be called right can vary on perceptions. Some say MJ was a success;  a legend in music while others say he was a failure; a person who could not come to terms with even a simple fact of being black!

 

But what is the general convention on which a person's opinions are termed as right? I guess its the success of the person. That's why we quote great personalities in our conversations, essays, debates, articles, movies etc. If fact they were great because either they attained success or were able to do something which although did not ultimately led to their objectives being fulfilled, but still made a difference. For example take the case of Gandhi and Mangal Pandey in case of India's struggle of Independence. Gandhi was of course able to succeed but the 1857 revolt triggered by Mangal Pandey was crushed to the ground. But was Pandey unsuccessful? In my opinion no because his actions sowed the seed for the struggle for Independence which we got 90 years latter.

 

But here is the catch whose opinion is revered more or who is respected more today? The answer is : the one who was successful. How many times we have heard top CEOs, politicians and at times even social workers talk shit? But what they talk is never considered useless because they are successful period! They, with the metal of their success, have practically put a full stop to almost all arguments, at least temporarily. Success is actually a bar, a measure or a scale against which the strength of your opinions, arguments and views are measured in the world.

 

And that's why failures are tough to take. Of course there are reasons why one fails, like there are reasons as to why one succeeds. But does that mean that whatever view the person holds in the line in which he or she failed has no value? Is it always the case of a hypocrite cat saying that the grapes are too sore? I don't think so. Because i have met with failures i have tasted success. To be truthful i have had more failures than successes. But do I ever give up....... FUCK NO! Not that easily. Let me put my best foot forward and then you role your die of fate dear life. But please not before that.... not till i have practically died of exhaustion. Not till there is just enough energy left to take that one last breadth of satisfaction after giving my 100%. Not till then.

 

But till then I know that my views on the things i failed at will not matter. Because everyone likes to wake up to a rising sun and sleep off to a setting one. That's true for me as well. But what i probably will not do or will try not to do is to reject somebodies views and belittle one in any way because success and failures are a like waves sometimes the crest is much higher than the depth of an impending trough and sometimes its the other way around.

 

In my opinion if success has not taught you humility, then either it was not worth having or you have already failed.

 

Peace Out

Shesh