Who thought (not me at least) that one day i ll be blogging about my cancer! The one disease that use to scare the hell out of me, comes head on aggressively, stealthily and suddenly to jump on me. Take me into death folds trying to squeeze life out of me like a coiling python around a deer .... and boy i was a deer .... practically non smoker, almost a teetotaler, even vegetarian :) if that counts.
How did it happen! i wonder i was working out gaining strength and got a new look had just begun to move on with my life after a really bad heart break. Things started to look positive again ...... you know light at the end of the tunnel kind of stuff! Well but the illumination in my tunnel of despair was the one coming from the headlights of an aggressive train heading right towards me.
Another hope killed, again a couple of dreams shattered, again i am left left picking myself up ! For what i sometimes wonder. Life has been quite tough since couple of years, wasn't like that always. Seems like i am running out of my luck line.
But this change of events shall i say did change me as a person.... how well yes its true when you get get this continuous train of screw ups happen in your life, you become sore ! another name for indifferent towards a lot of things, issues, people etc etc..... its not that you give a damm, its just that the things that use to affect me deeply previously do not do so anymore. Not that i can afford that, but it makes you a little numb towards things, towards perception of others about you and about how much do they care about (baring a few!). Times like these actually tell you how much people whom you think you were close too, are distant and vice versa. Strength comes talks with people, people whom you might have met once in life, care comes from closest in the family and increased concern comes from not the closest of your friends but from the distant of your acquaintances.
And then you reflect on how much had you invested invested in these relationships which you though were your pillars of support. And you realize its not just about the investment on your side, the signs were always there who would return what .............. its just one is blind and impervious or knowingly makes oneself blind and impervious. It just takes events like these to make you see the things the way they are.
What can i say in the end
Times change ! views change ! perspectives change .... people change!
How did it happen! i wonder i was working out gaining strength and got a new look had just begun to move on with my life after a really bad heart break. Things started to look positive again ...... you know light at the end of the tunnel kind of stuff! Well but the illumination in my tunnel of despair was the one coming from the headlights of an aggressive train heading right towards me.
Another hope killed, again a couple of dreams shattered, again i am left left picking myself up ! For what i sometimes wonder. Life has been quite tough since couple of years, wasn't like that always. Seems like i am running out of my luck line.
But this change of events shall i say did change me as a person.... how well yes its true when you get get this continuous train of screw ups happen in your life, you become sore ! another name for indifferent towards a lot of things, issues, people etc etc..... its not that you give a damm, its just that the things that use to affect me deeply previously do not do so anymore. Not that i can afford that, but it makes you a little numb towards things, towards perception of others about you and about how much do they care about (baring a few!). Times like these actually tell you how much people whom you think you were close too, are distant and vice versa. Strength comes talks with people, people whom you might have met once in life, care comes from closest in the family and increased concern comes from not the closest of your friends but from the distant of your acquaintances.
And then you reflect on how much had you invested invested in these relationships which you though were your pillars of support. And you realize its not just about the investment on your side, the signs were always there who would return what .............. its just one is blind and impervious or knowingly makes oneself blind and impervious. It just takes events like these to make you see the things the way they are.
What can i say in the end
Times change ! views change ! perspectives change .... people change!
